One of You Will Betray Me

John 13:18–30

One of the most painful books I’ve read is an autobiographical account by Edmund Gosse called Father and Son. The book was originally published in 1907 and describes Gosse’s childhood upbringing in his Plymouth Brethren home. It chronicles his growing distance from the Christian faith, channeled through the breakdown of the relationship between the Father and the Son. By the end of the account, Gosse is twenty-one years old and has rejected his Father’s faith. The book ends with a letter written by his father, lamenting his son’s rejection of Scripture in exchange for the skepticism of modernity. By rejecting the authority of Scripture, the elder Gosse recognizes that his son is on the path of relativism. He writes,

'Nothing seemed left to which I could appeal. We had, I found, no common ground. The Holy Scriptures had no longer any authority: you had taught yourself to evade their inspiration. Any particular Oracle of God which pressed you, you could easily explain away; even the very character of God you weighed in your balance of fallen reason, and fashioned it accordingly. You were thus sailing down the rapid tide of time towards Eternity, without a single authoritative guide (having cast your chart overboard), except what you might fashion and forge on your own anvil,—except what you might guess, in fact.

The Father concludes the letter with a broken heart and an expression of pain. He shares his anguish not to manipulate his son but because by rejecting Christianity, he knows their relationship will never be the same. The father longs for his son’s return to the Lord. The father writes,

It is with pain, not in anger, that I send it; hoping that you may be induced to review the whole course, of which this is only a stage, before God. If this grace were granted to you, oh! how joyfully should I bury all the past, and again have sweet and tender fellowship with my beloved Son, as of old.'

The whole book is moving, but those final pages have a way of lodging in your heart and mind—particularly for Christian parents and especially for those parents who have had children reject the faith. But you don’t have to be a parent to witness those you love leave behind Christianity. Perhaps you have siblings and childhood friends who have rejected Christianity.

We have heard the phrase “deconstruction” in our headlines. Defining this term is challenging. Deconstruction can be done more positively, leading to reassessing inherited traditions, which can drive a doubter to the authority of Scripture and reinvigorate their commitment to biblical Christianity. But sadly, the term is frequently used by those who begin a process of doubt and reassessment that leads to the rejection of Christianity. Thus, deconstruction has led many, like Edmund Gosse, to apostasy.

Whenever I hear of a person’s renunciation of Christianity, I am filled with a unique and intense grief. What are we to make of those who abandon the faith? And it is to that heavy subject we now turn our attention to the original Christian apostate, Judas Iscariot. In John 13:18–30, we witness Jesus’ troubled soul at Judas’ betrayal. From this text, we will observe Judas’ heart and witness Jesus’ response. First, we will see the betrayer predicted in verses 18–20. Second, we will watch the betrayer identified in verses 21–26. Third, we will observe the betrayer enact his betrayal in verses 27–30.

1. The Betrayer Predicted (vv. 18–20)

John has not left the identity of Jesus’ betrayer a mystery. Judas’ first mention in the gospel comes in John 6. After the crowd had scattered due to Jesus’ hard teaching after feeding the 5,000, Jesus turned to his disciples and asked, “Do you want to go away as well?” Peter speaks up with a confident confession that Jesus is the Holy One of God, which triggers Jesus sobering warning to the twelve: “Did I not choose you, the twelve? And yet one of you is a devil.” John comments on Jesus’ words, telling us immediately, “He spoke of Judas the son of Simon Iscariot, for he, one of the twelve, was going to betray him.”

Judas’ next appearance in John’s gospel comes in John 12. At this dinner party in Bethany, the night before Jesus’ triumphant entry into Jerusalem, Mary lavishes Jesus with the expensive gift of nard in anointing Jesus’ feet; John gives us our first glimpse into the workings of Judas’ heart. After reminding us that Judas would be the one to betray Jesus, John recounts Judas’ reaction: “Why was this ointment not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” John reports that Judas was not concerned about the poor, but he was stealing money as the keeper of the moneybag. Judas’ stingy rejection of Mary’s worship brought the swift rebuke of Jesus. In Mark’s gospel, after this dinner party, Judas approached the chief priests to betray Jesus after Jesus had rebuked him. His growing disillusionment with Jesus came to a breaking point, and he approached the religious leaders to secure payment for his betrayal.

So, as we look at John 13, we have arrived at that Thursday night when Jesus celebrated the Passover meal with his disciples. While Jesus washes the feet of his disciples in anticipation of the washing he would provide by his atoning blood on the cross the very next day, John has given us insight into Judas’ heart. In 13:2, we were told that the devil has already “put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him.” Judas had made his plans and organized his conspiracy against Jesus. At this point, Judas had already decided to betray Jesus. But would he follow through with his plan? Would he carry out the murderous desires of his heart? Would he betray his teacher?

And yet, though Jesus knew of Judas’ betrayal, he washed his feet along with the rest of the twelve. But when Peter protests, Jesus explains to them the necessity of his washing and alludes to Judas’ betrayal. In verse 10, he said, “And you are clean, but not every one of you.” John chimes in with an explanatory comment in verse 11; “For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, ‘Not all of you are clean.’”

But with Jesus so clearly seeing the inner workings of Judas’ heart, he knew that Judas did not belong. He had not been cleansed. Judas had received a front-row seat in Jesus’ ministry. He had heard Jesus’ powerful public teaching ministry. He witnessed countless miracles. He heard Jesus explain parables and elaborate on his public teaching among the intimate circle of the twelve. Judas had such intimate access to Jesus that his betrayal of Jesus baffles our minds. How could a man of such remarkable privilege commit such a shocking betrayal?

In verse 18, Jesus speaks more directly about his coming betrayal with his disciples. Let’s look at verses 18–20.

“I am not speaking of all of you; I know whom I have chosen. But the Scripture will be fulfilled, ‘He who ate my bread has lifted his heel against me.’ I am telling you this now, before it takes place, that when it does take place you may believe that I am he. Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever receives the one I send receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.”” (John 13:18–20, ESV)

As Jesus utters these words, we can imagine Judas’ chest tightening with anxiety over his exposure. As Judas conceals his conspiracy, he must maintain the pretense of loyalty until the proper moment for betrayal. However, in a parallel account in Matthew’s gospel, Jesus tells the disciples that for the betrayer, “It would have been better for that man if he had not been born,” only for Judas to respond, “Is it I, Rabbi?” But now Judas knows that Jesus knows about his planned betrayal. While Jesus speaks vaguely about his betrayal, Jesus soon identifies Judas directly.

But as Jesus calls his disciples to imitate his example in the foot washing, he makes it clear that he is not speaking of the entirety of the twelve. And then, in verse 18, Jesus says, “I know whom I have chosen.” Jesus picked the twelve, including Judas, precisely because the Scripture must be fulfilled. From the very beginning, Jesus knew exactly what Judas would do. Though Jesus will be betrayed, Jesus was not ignorant of that betrayal. As Judas prepares to hand Jesus over to the religious leaders, he does not surprise or trick Jesus. Instead, Jesus says, the coming betrayal fulfills the Scripture. God had planned and determined that his Son’s death would occur this way.

Which passage of Scripture predicts Judas’ betrayal? Jesus references Psalm 41:9: “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.” Psalm 41 is a psalm of David written during Absalom’s rebellion, where David is forced out of Jerusalem. The “close friend” whom David trusted refers to Ahithophel in 2 Samuel 15–16. Ahithophel was David’s trusted counselor and friend, but he betrayed David for Absalom. Ahithophel’s betrayal of David foreshadows Judas’ betrayal of Jesus. Jesus is the Davidic king who has his close friend lift his heel against him. Thus, Judas’ betrayal is a prophetic fulfillment of Psalm 41. Both Ahithophel and Judas betrayed the Davidic king, and the lives of both men would end by the suicide of hanging.

Jesus tells his disciples how his betrayal fulfills Scripture so they might believe he is who he says he is. Jesus says in verse 19: “I am telling you this now, before it takes place, that when it does take place you may believe that I am he.” Jesus’ prophetic prediction of his betrayal, as recorded in the Scriptures, should further verify in the minds of his disciples his identity as the Son of God. Indeed, the phrase “I am he” points to Jesus’ identity as the divine Son of God.

Judas was chosen to be included among the disciples to fulfill the Scriptures and accomplish the purpose of God in the death of his Son. John upholds three realities of Judas’ betrayal. First, it occurred according to the sovereign will of God. Judas’ betrayal did not surprise Jesus or thwart God’s redemption plan. Instead, it is just the opposite. The Lord planned to use Judas’ betrayal to bring about his purpose of redemption through Christ. Second, Judas’ betrayal was tempted and instigated by the devil. It was the devil who seduced Judas to reject Jesus and tempted him towards his betrayal. As John tells us, the devil put it into his heart. And soon enough, the devil will enter into Judas to accomplish his malicious work. But third, and this must not be forgotten, Judas’ choice to betray Jesus was his own. He bears the responsibility for his own actions. Judas acted according to his own will. He is no innocent man helplessly caught up in the devil’s scheme. He hardened his heart against Jesus, and the momentum of his sin snowballed to his eternal destruction. And thus, Judas’ actions will lead to his destruction. Jesus prays for his disciples in his high priestly prayer in John 17:12: “While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled” (John 17:12).

Thus, Judas’ betrayal was predicted by the Lord, and this prediction is meant to strengthen the faith of his true disciples as they remember this prophetic prediction after the cross and the resurrection. Verse 20 serves to contrast the betrayer with the true disciples. Notice the interlinking chain of witnesses. If we receive those sent by Jesus, then we receive Jesus. If we receive Jesus, then we receive the one who sent Jesus. Jesus prepared his disciples to be his witnesses, but because Judas rejected him, he will not be one of those witnesses. I think Jesus’s point here is similar to the one that John made in his first epistle.

“Who is the liar but he who denies that Jesus is the Christ? This is the antichrist, he who denies the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father.” (1 John 2:22–23).

Judas and those like him, who reject the apostles’ witness as recorded in Scripture and thus reject Jesus, also reject the Father. Jesus’s words remind us of the imperative of believing the apostolic message, the testimony of God’s Word. We must believe in the faith once and for all delivered to the saints. Will we follow in the footsteps of Judas, who rejected the Lord, or the apostles, who are the authorized messengers of our Lord?

However, as the evening progresses, Jesus becomes troubled and becomes more explicit with his disciples that one of the twelve will commit this upcoming betrayal. Secondly, we see the betrayer identified.

2. The Betrayer Identified (vv. 21–26)

The burden of his upcoming crucifixion weighs heavy on his heart, and in response to the cross that will come by the hand of his betrayer, Jesus becomes troubled in Spirit.

“After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” (John 13:21, ESV)

John’s eyewitness testimony shows us that the Lord was troubled in his Spirit as he gave this news. Thus far, Jesus had distantly spoken of his coming betrayal, but as the thought of the cross presses on his heart, he tells them that the betrayer is among the number of the twelve: “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”

Jesus’ troubled heart, combined with these troubling words, stilled the tongues of the disciples. This was shocking news for them. They had followed Jesus together, and deep relationships were formed amidst the community of the disciples. If the betrayer is among their number, which one would it be?

And so we see the uncertainty of the disciples described in verse 22:

“The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke.” (John 13:22, ESV)

Which disciple could it be? Judas exercises his plot with such poise that none of the disciples expected him. By all outward estimation, the disciples could not distinguish which one of them would betray Jesus. Unable to see into each other’s hearts, Judas had pulled the wool over their eyes. They could not spot that he was a fake.

Judas’ inclusion among the disciples reminds us that not everyone who associates with Jesus and his people has been cleansed by Jesus. Judas was among the disciples, but he was not a true disciple of Jesus. There is a category of persons who may associate with Christians who are not actually Christian. The difficulty, of course, is that we cannot see into the human heart as Jesus can. If we were among those twelve disciples, we would be just as shocked at Judas’ betrayal as they were. For them, it seemed incomprehensible that one of their own, in Jesus’ inner circle, would hand Jesus over to death.

When people abandon Christianity, we must remember that not everyone who identifies with a church belongs to Christ. The shock of apostasy comes because we cannot know another person’s heart. At times, that person may even be deceived by their own heart. But Jesus reminds us that we cannot judge by appearances, and ultimately, only God knows the heart.

Spiritual imposters are eventually revealed over time, and when it happens, it can be disorienting to those who know them and love them. And yet, we must remember that those who abandoned Christianity were never Christian in the first place. John has stressed the eternal security of the flock of Christ. Jesus tells us, “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28). People who abandon Christianity do not lose their salvation; instead, their supposed faith is revealed to be phony. Judas was one of the twelve but didn’t belong in Jesus’ flock. He had not been cleansed. He did not believe in Jesus for his salvation. He was associated with the twelve disciples but did not belong to Jesus.

As a Baptist congregation, we are convinced that Jesus has given each church the authority to bind and loose on earth as it is in heaven. Thus, the church is charged by Christ to recognize actual kingdom citizens. To those who have repented of their sin and put their faith in Christ, we baptize them into Christ’s church and fellowship with them at the Lord’s table. As Redemption Church at New Hope, we have tried to take this biblical responsibility with great seriousness as we bring in new members. But because we cannot see hearts and can only observe external evidence of saving faith, sometimes we may get it wrong. Sometimes, we may affirm someone’s salvation as a church by bringing them into membership, only for them to depart from us and abandon the gospel. If a member abandons the faith and departs from Christ’s church by failing to continue in the gospel, they reveal that they never belonged to God’s people in the first place. This is just as John said in 1 John 2:19:

“They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us.” (1 John 2:19, ESV)

Judas was not one of the disciples. He did not belong to Jesus. While the anxious disciples fretted in silence over the betrayer’s identity, they brewed in inner turmoil over it. As John describes what happens next, we get specific details that could only be shared by an eyewitness. John writes of his own involvement in this scene as the disciple “whom Jesus loved.”

“One of his disciples, whom Jesus loved, was reclining at table at Jesus’ side, so Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. So that disciple, leaning back against Jesus, said to him, “Lord, who is it?”” (John 13:23–25, ESV)

Leonardo Divinci’s painting doesn’t accurately describe the setting of this Last Supper. While it was customary to sit at most meals, the custom of reclining at the table was reserved for special feasts and celebrations. For this Passover meal, Jesus and his disciples engaged in the unhurried practice of reclining at the table. And so the men ate with their feet prostrate behind them, propped up on their elbows, enjoying the feasting together.

For the first time, we are introduced to the disciple “whom Jesus loved.” The title is John’s way of referring to himself in the gospel. He will do so again at the cross in John 19, at the empty tomb in John 20, and by the sea of Tiberias in John 21. John doesn’t refer to himself as the beloved disciple with a posture of arrogance as if he is the most loved of the disciples. Instead, John’s identity is so found in Jesus that he embraces anonymity in his gospel to decrease so that Christ might increase. John now sees himself only in relation to the transforming grace and love of Jesus.

John is reclining next to Jesus. Peter, who has already stuck his foot in his mouth too many times this evening, gets John’s attention and urges him to ask Jesus discreetly which of the disciples will betray him. Goaded by Peter, John rolls backward, placing his head on Jesus’ chest. The close physical proximity between the two men might seem strange in our culture, but in many cultures around the world today, a friendship between men can be expressed by holding hands or even greeting one another with a kiss. Such physical touch would appear romantic to our culture, but in many cultures throughout history, they expressed deep, intimate, and platonic friendships between men.

In the Greek, the verse reads that John was “reclining in his bosom.” The language refers to the prologue in John’s gospel as he says the Son “is at the Father’s side” or “at the Father’s bosom.” Perhaps John indicates that the pattern of the Son’s intimacy with the Father is now replicated in the disciple’s intimacy with Christ. Just as the Son is one with the Father, so are disciples one with Christ—reclining on his bosom. If this is what John has in mind, it was hinted at in verse 20: “Whoever receives the one I send receive me, and whoever receives me receive the one who sent me.” We experience the joys of the union of the Father and the Son as the believer is united to Jesus by faith. Jesus will soon teach us these profound and glorious mysteries in his Farewell Discourse. Perhaps we get a foreshadowing of these truths as the beloved disciple rests his head on Jesus’ chest.

But with heads close, John and Jesus must whisper discretely to each other, as none of the other disciples seem to hear the conversation because they are confused when Judas will abruptly exit in just a moment. But as John whispers, “Lord, who is it?” We see Jesus’ answer in verse 26:

“Jesus answered, “It is he to whom I will give this morsel of bread when I have dipped it.” So when he had dipped the morsel, he gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot.” (John 13:26, ESV)

Jesus tells John that he will identify which disciple is the betrayer by dipping a morsel of bread into a cup and giving it to him. It was a cultural practice that the banquet host would dip a choice morsel of bread into a common cup and extend it as a gift of friendship. Before Judas departs for the act of betrayal, Jesus yet again extends him an invitation of friendship.

The Lord is merciful. Even though Judas had already planned this betrayal in his heart, he had not enacted it yet. It was not too late to repent, to come clean to Jesus, and to ask his forgiveness. Even at the moment of his betrayal, Jesus gave him a token of his love and an invitation to his friendship.

Jesus did not harden his heart, even to his betrayer. If Jesus offered such grace to Judas, would he not also give you such grace? Once you’ve begun down the path of rejecting Jesus, the momentum of your sin carries you forward, and the devil blinds you from seeing the offramp of repentance. Perhaps your sin has carried you to one wicked decision and one act of unrighteousness after another. And even as you hear today about Jesus’ grace and eagerness to grant you forgiveness, you wonder if you are too far gone. Friend, listen to me carefully. As long as there is breath in your lungs, you are not too far gone. No matter the momentum of your sinful choices, the Lord Jesus extends to you the morsel of bread, the token of his friendship, and his willingness to receive you if you would but come. Do not make Judas’ error. It’s not too late to turn to Jesus until it is too late.

But as Jesus extends this morsel of dipped bread to Judas, he gives Judas his final invitation. Judas’ rejection of Jesus has been one of brewing premeditation. He’s already made plans for the betrayal with the religious leaders. Could he turn back now before he enacted his betrayal? Judas sensed he had no other option. He couldn’t turn to Jesus now.

But with his conscience seared, he maintains appearances and takes the morsel. He mocks the Lord by appearing to take his friendship only to make his final decision—he will betray Jesus. And with great tragedy, Jesus’ final act of love for Judas becomes the token of Judas’ judgment. Judas will respond to this generous act by quickly enacting his betrayal.¹

3. The Betrayer Acts (vv. 27–30)

As Judas takes the dipped morsel from Jesus, it becomes the decisive moment of his betrayal. Instead of Jesus’ act of love softening his heart, it hardened his resolve to carry out his scheme. Let us look at verse 27:

“Then after he had taken the morsel, Satan entered into him. Jesus said to him, “What you are going to do, do quickly.” (John 13:27, ESV)

Upon taking the morsel, we are told, “Satan entered into him.” His heart became hard. His rejection of Jesus is absolute. The kindness of Jesus caused his heart to burn with rage against him. Jesus’ loving gesture poured burning coals upon his head. The language of Satan entering Judas implies some control, if not possession of Judas. Judas has given himself over to be used for the purpose of the devil.

The devil’s work in tempting Judas to this act of betrayal is well recorded across the gospels. The betrayal was prompted by a demonic conspiracy to put Jesus to death. But Satan, oblivious to the plan of God’s redemption, laid a snare for Jesus that only entrapped himself. While he sought to defeat Jesus and his kingdom by killing Jesus, he undid his own kingdom as Jesus would victoriously rise from the grave on the third day. But at the moment, on this Thursday evening, as the devil enters Judas, the prince of demons believes he has the upper hand. Little did he know that Jesus maintained control the entire time and permitted Judas to enact his betrayal to fulfill the Scriptures and bring about the triune God’s planned redemption for humanity.

With Judas now determined to betray Jesus, Jesus urges him to act quickly: “What you are going to do, do quickly.” Now that Judas is determined to carry out his betrayal, Jesus tells him to go ahead and do it. With his descent into the darkness complete, Judas must now complete his treachery. And Judas will act quickly. We see his departure in verses 28–30:

“Now no one at the table knew why he said this to him. Some thought that, because Judas had the moneybag, Jesus was telling him, “Buy what we need for the feast,” or that he should give something to the poor. So, after receiving the morsel of bread, he immediately went out. And it was night.” (John 13:28–30, ESV)

The rest of the disciples did not hear Jesus whispering conversation with John. So when Jesus tells him to go and complete his task quickly, the disciples figured Jesus requested Judas to complete some errands, either preparing for the feast or giving to the poor. Even then, the disciples were unaware of Judas’ treachery. However, John makes it clear just how quickly these events took place. After receiving the morsel of bread, Judas immediately went out. Jesus ordered him to act quickly, and Judas followed his command. Jesus knows of Judas’ betrayal. But Jesus’ words remind us that no one takes his life from him. He voluntarily lays it down.

And then John gives us not just a description of the time of day but also the condition of Judas’ heart: “And it was night.” Judas, a disciple who walked each day among the light of the world, has chosen the darkness rather than the light. Judas enacts the words from John 3:19: “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light.”

Judas’ descent into the darkness of night is troubling to us. We grieve because we have seen many follow in Judas’ footsteps. We know people who have “tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come” only to reject the Lord (Heb 6:5).

Like Judas, there may be those who hear the Word of God faithfully taught and observe the kingdom’s power in the lives of his church only to have their hearts hardened in disdain against Jesus. In due time, those spiritual imposters will be exposed, frequently within our own lifetimes but ultimately on the day of judgment. Not all who say “Lord, Lord” will enter the kingdom of heaven. Jesus tells us it is, “the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matt 24:13). As our confession of faith puts it, it is “their persevering attachment to Christ is the grand mark which distinguishes them from superficial professors.” In other words, continuing in the Lord is evidence that we have been born again, have true saving faith, and have received the gift of God’s salvation. Therefore, as we consider Judas, it’s a sobering reminder that “anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Cor 10:12). We should not be arrogant or presumptuous about our salvation. Judes tells us that we must keep ourselves in the love of God, “waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus that leads to eternal life” (Jude 21). So we must day by day rest our souls into the hands of the sovereign shepherd of our souls, pleading for his power to “keep us from stumbling” so that he might present us “blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy.” Our eternal security is reliant upon Jesus’ power.

However, the book of Jude also tells us to “have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them out of the fire” (Jude 22–23). And so I wish to show mercy on you who find the darkness of doubt brewing in your heart. Perhaps you are deconstructing your assessment of the faith, or maybe you’ve come across doubts about whether Christianity is true and whether Jesus is indeed the Son of God. I pray you might heed this counsel lest you follow Judas’s steps into the night.

First, recognize that doubts are a common experience for those who follow Jesus. One of the devil’s schemes is to convince you that you are alone when you experience doubt. Wrestling over the truths of the faith and struggling to believe in the Scriptures can be a common experience in the Christian life. You are not the first Christian to struggle with hard, thorny questions. The church has a two-thousand-year history of believers wrestling through complex and challenging questions about the faith. Chances are, your questions have been experienced by another Christian and written about with the posture of faith-seeking-understanding. The devil tempts you to make that pull that one thorny doubt in your mind like a loose thread to unravel all your confidence in the gospel. But before you reject Christianity, know that there are answers to your questions. Whatever your doubts, you are not the first one to think about them. And seek help finding thoughtful answers to your questions about the Christian faith.

Second, do not bear your doubts in secret. Amidst a church family, there can be a temptation to hypocrisy. With everyone around you confidently holding to the confession of our hope without wavering, you may hesitate to vocalize your questions. You may be tempted like Judas to carry on the front of being a follower of Jesus, but inwardly, your heart is hardening against him. How much of Judas’ inner turmoil could have been resolved if he had shared his doubts with his fellow disciples or his Lord? Instead, he slumped in secrecy, trying to conceal his rejection of Jesus and maintain appearances. As a pastor, I’ve seen this pattern frequently. A person harbors secret, inner doubt for years, and by the time it is expressed or shared with someone, unbelief has already infested the heart. By the time a pastor might speak to them, they have already closed themselves off to God’s Word, loving pastoral correction, and have assembled for them a council of scoffers who have already sunk their teeth in their minds. They express their doubts to other Christians only after they’ve decided to exit the community of the church into the night. We have labored to cultivate an authentic church culture that makes it ok to ask hard questions, express doubts, and wrestle over the teachings of Scripture together. You don’t have to pretend here. If you are struggling with secret doubt, bring it into the light of the church community. Set up a time to discuss your questions with one of your elders. Let us pray with you and help you as you wrestle. And invite us into your life before the darkness engulfs your heart.

Third, do not scoff at Jesus’ kindness. The Lord Jesus has extended his grace to you. Do not bat the morsel of his kindness out of his hand. The gospel message is one of wondrous good news. The Lord Jesus has come into the world to save you from sin and to bring light to your darkened heart. He goes to the cross to lay down his life for sinners so that his blood may cleanse us as we repent of our sins and trust him in faith. And the invitation to the gospel is given to all. Beware of the aggravated condemnation that comes with rejecting the free offer of the gospel. It is one thing to reject a gospel that you do not yet understand, but it is a shameful thing to reject a gospel that you do understand. If you reject Jesus, you are rejecting a savior who is ready to show you kindness, who yet again extends to you his mercy, who invites you into his companionship. To harden your heart against him is to scoff at his mercy. To exit from his table is to exit into spiritual darkness.

Fourth, beware of the darkness. If you choose to leave behind Christianity and forsake Jesus, you will enter into the darkness. Why would you leave the presence of the light of the world for the anxiety of clamoring among this darkened world for meaning and purpose? If you depart from Jesus, there is nothing else out there. If you leave him behind, you will be engulfed in a darkened world without hope and without answers. You cannot leave Jesus because there is no other way to God than through Jesus. If you enter the darkness, you will be consumed by it and receive God’s coming judgment. These are no light matters. Following Jesus is no mere matter of personal taste or preference. If you leave his table into the night of darkness, you commit spiritual suicide.

So I implore you—do not leave behind Jesus. Do not abandon him for whatever “better way” you have conjured up in your mind. He is the way, the truth, and the life. To leave him is to choose death. May Judas be a tragic but necessary warning to us all. If you reject Jesus, betray his grace, and slap his hand of mercy, you choose condemnation, judgment, and hell. Beware of the darkness! Do not follow in Judas’ steps. And before it’s too late, confess your doubts while the morsel of God’s kindness is still offered to you. Fling yourself today upon the mercy of Christ. Do not run away from him, but run to his bosom where he can comfort you, restore you, and heal you.

Doubter, what will you do today? Will you leave this church, this gospel, and this savior behind only to run off into the night? Will you feign a kiss on Jesus’ cheek only to betray him? Will you kill him from your life only to commit spiritual suicide? Do not choose the night when the light of the world now shines on you. The Lord Jesus will have compassion on a doubter such as you. He will help you in your time of trouble. He will pour out his love to you. Will you go to him? Will you confess your struggles to him? Will you lay your head upon his chest and call him Lord?

1. Lesslie Newbigin, The Light Has Come: An Exposition of the Fourth Gospel, 1982, 173. ↩︎